Happy sitting on the bench

I refuse to play this game
My heart shouldn't have to follow these rules...
Yes everyone plays this game
Many win..some draw...most lose...

But I refuse to play this game...

It's not difficult to play hard to get
But why should I pretend and forget
That I am not someone who would hold back
Yes I love too easily ... but not necessarily too quickly



So if this world is full of people who want to play...
These players aren't meant for me...
and I am not meant for them...

I am happy sitting outside the field, on the bench...
I hate the sun anyway...
I'll let the merry players tackle each others wits ...
while I wait on the sidelines waiting for someone to join me in the shade
and call it quits :)

What 'Lies' Beneath ...

We all lie...
Multiple times a day...

Sometimes to avoid hurting others...
Most times to avoid hurting our self.

I lie...
Multiple times a day...

So what's so different about the lies I tell often?
I've almost forgotten they are lies.

'Why don't you attend parties?'

- Because I am too conscious of my body and I can't always wear 'that' black t-shirt which I feel almost confident in. Also I constantly fear that I wouldn't have anyone to talk to and will attract lot of unwanted attention for how ghastly my outfit is and absolutely no 'wanted' attention from any decent looking fellow at the party

'Dude..you need help!!!' 

Alternatively,

Why don't you attend parties?

- 'I don't like crowded spaces'. 

'Oh ... Ok'

Its just so much easier to hide behind a well established, non debatable lie. We all do it. Hiding behind the safe cocoon of a lie we create for our own comfort.

But I don't want to lie anymore... at least not to myself.

My new goal in life is to rethink all my 'I am' statements.

'I am' afraid of heights. Am I ?
Or is it just an excuse to avoid ever being on a roller coaster or god forbid!!! Bungee Jumping !!! *gulp*

'I am' very shy when I first meet someone. Am I?
Sometimes. But there have been many instances when I've surprised myself by being over talkative and warm to someone I've just met.

'I am' not ever going to lie again. Am I?
Of course I will continue to lie.
Hopefully I'll not believe my own lies to be the truth.